Archive for November, 2005
In reference to the previous post of me dancing backup at the Miss Trannyshack pageant, COCO CANAL IS MISS TRANNYSHACK 2005!!! That means that we won!!!
So that was me dancing backup to Christina Aguilera’s “Dirrty.” I think I exposed more flesh than I ever have during a public performance than I would ever like to again. I feel so… silly.
That being said, honestly, there were so many great acts that I was witness to that I started to get really psyched out. I mean, when someone comes out with stiltwalkers with fire torches and all and is suspended in mid-air, swinging by their bare flesh next to a large burning bramble, and goes through two very elaborate wardrobe changes, you begin to wonder what kind of chance you exactly have and if you actually have one. I mean, who wants to follow something like that up? I’m actually kind of shocked.
So what does this mean for me? Welp, absolutely nothing, BUT! What it means for Coco Canal is that she gets to go to London and perform as Miss Trannyshack and all, and host Trannyshack every week when she’s not off on all sorts of Miss America-like activities and things.
It was really great to be part of something so fun. I didn’t expect a lot out of it, but really, the win was the icing on the cake. That type of stuff is just the best feeling… giving it your best but not really expecting it to go anywhere, only to be pleasantly surprised with the results.
I have to make a mental note to do these types of things much more often. They lead me in odd directions, but always with surprising and happy results.
You know what was really cool? Meeting the chick that played Joan of Arc in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
Just kidding. Yes, that was Jane Wiedlin, and I just said hi to her for a split second, then turned all shy and stupid and went on my merry way.
November 20th, 2005
For a little over two weeks, I’ve been rehearsing a modern dance number for the Miss Trannyshack Pageant. Not that I’m in the pageant (though that really would be something), but I’m dancing backup for one of the fly drag queens competing for the crown this year.
Boy, will that be something. (No puns intended.)
The pageant is in its’ 10th year and has been sold out each year it has been in existence. If you’re in SF on Saturday night, it’s worth a definite look as I believe 10,000 people will be there. It’ll cost 30 wavos at the door at The Regency Grand Ballroom (1300 Van Ness @ Sutter)… ahead of time, it’s $20 with fees (go here for more information on how to get tickets before the show) and it starts at 8:30PM.
Yeah, these shoes don’t look the most comfortable, do they. That’s a 4-inch stiletto on the left, and a 5-inch platform on the right. Whichever I pick, I’m going to dance a whole four to five strenous minutes… hopefully without busting my face open.
I’m pretty sure that since this is a pageant, I’m not supposed to say anything before the event about which drag queen contestant I’m dancing backup for, how many people are in the act, or what song we are doing — anything like that. What I will say, however, is that it felt really good to be doing something other than staring at a monitor or drinking beer (or both), which was one of the reasons I agreed to do it in the first place. The second was really — well… I was fortunate enough to be offered the opportunity to move from New York two years ago, and it would be just awful to not experience something like this, especially as a performer.
I’m really going to go all out tomorrow night, and you probably won’t believe what I’m doing (because it’s really in contrast to the way I “normally” am). I’ve worked really hard, but everyone else in the number, admittedly is probably going to put in WAY more than me. It’s going to be fun for not only me, but I’m sure the show is going to be amazing for all who watch too.
I hope to see you there!
November 18th, 2005
This week’s Negative Waves once again has me silenced. It appears I’m burning out and have beers to drink, wars to wage, “Lost” episodes to see, an incredibly busted Treo 650 (so everyone, if you have my 408 number — call that one instead, get it from someone, or email me because I’m not going to get text messages), and a boss on vacation that I have to do meeting sit-ins for, and so — my triumphant return to the column roster will have to wait because my life is freakin’ chaos.
The Mikes hold it down this week.
- Matt starts distributing the whupping in the Editor’s Note as usual and gives you the overview. NW’s been at it for 6 years now. That’s a long time.
- Mikey’s hell-bent on becoming an internet celebrity, but see that pic? Mikey’s in the clink. Want to know why he went to The Big House? Don’t you want to know why he uses the word “asscheeks” so much in his column this week, “My Time In The Slammer“? I bet you do.
- The always prolific Mike Chesta has been playing entirely too many XBox games lately. This week, he has a review of the James Bond game, “From Russia With Love” from EA. I have two questions: 1) What is with Chesta’s hang-up with James Bond, anyway? 2) Is he going to run out and get an XBox 360? I wonder.
- Mike also tackles his street in the Lincoln Square neighborhood on Chicago’s northside and claims that he’s “residing squarely on the fault line between gentrification and Damnation Alley.” Why, Mike, WHY? Find out what the big deal is on his column, “My Useless Street.”
Well, that’s it. I think Mikey’s upset at me. Here’s some of the IM exchange going on right now:
Mikey: You didn’t get your column in?
Me: nope.
Mikey: aw!
Me: :(
Mikey: i was all excited to read it.
Mikey: hrmphf.
Me: i’m SORRY!
I only have one thing to say… Man Handel!
November 17th, 2005
Yes, I really swear she walked over and said to me, “It’s a pimp turkey.”
I especially like the use of the pimp cup, the gold medallion, the cape, and the hat. Keep in mind that this era in pop culture supercedes Angie by a GOOD 20 years and I had NO influence upon this whatsoever.
November 16th, 2005
It explains everything and nothing all at once in my life — sort of like farting in a windstorm, I think.
Ha.
November 14th, 2005
Yesterday, my car hit 37,000 miles as I was southbound on 101 in the morning commute. It was marked by the fact that a cabbie tapped my bumper in while I was in the left lane. This was the first time someone’s ever touched my car with their motor vehicle while somewhat in motion.
If anyone knows what a priss I am about my car, of course I was pissed because cabbies simply do not give a shit about the motor vehicle they’re driving. I — on the other hand, pay for my car, will be paying for it for a while, need to maintain it for quite a long time, and need it to get paid. Of course I’m pissed.
I pulled over in the left service lane and got out of my car. I looked at my bumper and walked toward his cab. Coming up to his driver’s side window, he denied even touching my car — he had said something had flown out at him from the back of his car. (How does that make any sense and how would I have felt that in my car? How fucking stupid.) First of all, I wouldn’t have pulled over and got out had I not felt anything. Second, when I looked in the rearview, I could see him waving it off and apologizing.
Now, normally I wouldn’t have made such an act of this, but I needed to see if everything was alright back there. Thankfully, nothing really bad happened, but I figure that since he was making shitty excuses and lying to me about touching my car, I’d just give him a good scare. It’s one thing if you apologize, but it’s worse if you lie. So I yelled at him for about a good 10 minutes until I felt better about him being a lying sack of ass. Then I told him to stop being a (expletive) jackass and come up with something that didn’t sound so obviously stupid if he was going to try and deny it the next time.
But really, I’m thankful it wasn’t a bonafide car crash.
I’ll tell you what is instead: R. Kelly’s video opera, “Trapped In The Closet.” R. Kelly sings all the parts in this brilliantly bad extravaganza, including the roles of all the women, the gay man, the midget, and more — while the characters lip-sync in the video.
Not that I actually bought this. I watched it at Scooter & Kristine’s last night. Scoot actually owns the “Trapped In The Closet” DVD, containing chapters of what the Washington Post calls a “soap operetta/saga”. (Synopsis contained in this link, so beware: spoilers ahead.)
For your viewing pleasure, I’ve mined up some video links to whet your ravenously awful appetite for this incredibly wack hiphopera. You might want to allot a good 30 minutes for the wrongness and utter ridiculousness. I promise you you will laugh your ass off.
You know what’s even better? The commentary mode features R. Kelly superimposed on the bottom lower right corner of screen in a theater chair while the movie is playing, all Mystery Science Theater-like to give the effect of him watching the movie with you, you know? R. Kelly continues to state the obvious in the scene and un-sing the lyrics that are being sung in the background.
It’s so painful… so excruciatingly painful. I need to own this.
So, is anyone running out to see Get Rich or Die Tryin’?
November 10th, 2005
Back in the saddle with Negative Waves, Issue #110. The guys were simply all too busy celebrating the Chicago White Sox World Series victory — and also not. (OK, I completely made that up.) But whatever the case may be, the boys are back again while I ride pine on the bench here and think of another column. (You’ll just have to wait, but I promise it’ll be good… it just requires actual research. But I swear I have a column coming, and it’s gonna to be nerdtastic.)
Yes, I realize that baseball season is over and I can quit now with the baseball metaphors. Consider it quit. Maybe.
Our dutiful EIC, Matt, gives you the overview of Issue #110 here.
- In this issue’s Vanamonde Scribblings, Todd talks about his novel and about him actually posting excerpts onto his shiny new WordPress.com blog.
- Mike prefers to go after the career of the man that is James Bond in Better, Faster, Stronger. In addition to scoffing at what could be the end of dear ol’ 007, he reviews the new Mortal Kombat game, Shaolin Monks in the game review.
- Mikey, having recently acquired a girlfriend, has touched upon this very happy moment on his Because the World is Round blog. Now that the relationship’s all 2 weeks old and stuff, he’s all learned and everything, so he tells you how to keep a girlfriend in his column, Being There.
This certainly seems weird that I’m essentially redirecting you to a site that has other writing stuff even though 3/6 of the staff keep our own blogs, but here’s an excerpt from Todd’s column this week that should explain this:
Now it may seem strange to be directing you to a web site other than Negative Waves, and I certainly don’t mean for anyone to not see Negative Waves as their first source for great Internet material, but this allows for branching out that don’t fit under the Negative Waves umbrella…
This is a place for thoughts on science, art, video games, popular culture, movies, commentary, sports, and all other things. Sort of like the New York Times only we’re not lying bastards.
I couldn’t have said it better, really.
Oh, and another thing! We started a Flickr group for Negative Waves as well. We’re going to fill it with all sorts of photographic and Photoshopped asinineness. Yay!
November 3rd, 2005
