So, I was out with Kev and Matt at Kate O’Brien’s because Dave Shea’s in town. Kev left a bit early, but while I was in the bathroom, it turned out at some point that a vagrant had asked Dave and Matt for a cigarette as we were all sitting off the street, enjoying some drinks curbside. Not being smokers I imagine, they had said no.
As I got back from the bathroom, Matt asked me if I had my cellphone. I quickly patted myself down. Turns out that I didn’t have it at all and I’d definitely left it on the table.
The vagrant had distracted the both of them and had a blanket across themselves. So, as I understand it, in leaning in to ask for a cigarette, they swiped my cellphone in the process. This prompted all of us to go on a manhunt within a block’s radius of the bar — which ultimately ended up fruitless.
S.O.L., I felt defeated — I wanted to find this person and quite honestly, beat the shit out of them for taking advantage of me. I know that sounds like an ultimately violent solution, and it’s probably not the best, but normally I would beat myself up for letting my guard down this low.
It brought me back to the time in my life when I was working from home one day in my apartment in Boerum Hill, Brooklyn, somewhere in 2000 or so. Someone had come down the fire escape to break into the 4 bedroom apartment I had shared through my bedroom window. At first, I was confused, until I realized what was actually happening. Luckily, I was home and had a softball bat within reach.
As soon as I locked eyes with the perp through my window, I didn’t think — I bounded after them without any regard for my safety and scaled the fire escape. I ran up toward the roof after them, chasing them with my bat until out of sight.
It was undoubtedly crazy of me. If they had a gun, I’d be dead today, of course.
I can’t describe that type of anger you feel — you feel so violated that you only want to lash out harder so that they never.fucking.do.that.shit.again.to.anybody.
The other month, Tantek linked to Halcyon’s Optimism Tax, which I found hopeful of mankind, even when faced with the incomprehensibility of some human beings. When I read this essay then, I thought it was poignant. In this moment for me, right now? Even moreso.
So, if you have my number with the New York City area code… don’t call it or text message it for a bit… I won’t get it.
I still hate January.
January 29th, 2006
I hate January. Always have. Every January, I go through an identity crisis. So in an effort to not get all crappy and riddle you with reasons to further throw you into your very own Seasonal Affective Disorder, I will spare you mine this year.
Rather, allow me to point you to 2005, 2004, and 2003’s identity crisis online as some more recent examples, rather than re-hashing why January — historically for me — is TEH SUCK.
“Everyone in the country is in therapy and spending all their money on self-help books so their little internal voice will be able to say, ‘I am good and I am OK,’” says Fiona Apple producer Jon Brion, who worked closely with [Kanye] West on Late Registration. “If you’re going to believe all the stuff about positive thinking and self-actualization, that we affect our environment by the way we think about ourselves, do you want a better example than Kanye West? Fuck Tony Robbins. Kanye West should have infomercials.”
— From Rolling Stone’s feature, “West World.”
Sigh. Now excuse me while I go drown myself in work.
January 26th, 2006
Me: ok
Me: stop
E: hammer time?
Me: read: Three more firms pursue Knight Ridder
Me: in other news: Hasselhoff’s Marriage Goes Under
E: ha! yeah - heard about that on the radio
E: I suppose he’s going to have young German girls chasing him now?
Me: i suppose so?
Me: OMFG. so hasselhoff’s first wife?
E: yeah
Me: i’m looking through her IMDB bio
E: Hickland?
Me: and she wrote THE MOST AWFUL EPISODE OF KNIGHT RIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN
Me: IT WAS SO [EXPLETIVE] AWFUL THAT I ACTUALLY REMEMBER IT
Me: *THAT* AWFUL
E: ugh
E: she wrote that White Bird [expletive]?
Me: you remember it too?!?
E: no, I just looked it up
Me: i have the song from the episode STUCK IN MY HEAD!!!
Me: i didn’t even need to look the episode up
E: horrible
Me: that episode was [expletive] beyond [expletive]
E: yea, pretty much
E: [somewhat of an expletive] fat hairy moose [expletive], as my cousin used to say
Me: LOL
Me: holy [expletive] [expletive] i can’t believe i remember that
E: that makes two of us
E: then again… you are the queen of pop culture
Me: oof! that was [expletive] awful
Me: …
Me: OMG
Me: you know what is MORE [EXPLETIVE] SPOOKY
E: ?
Me: http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0382692/bio
Me: look at HER CURRENT SPOUSE’S NAME
Me: after hasselhoff
E: my g-d
Me: oh my [expletive] l-rd.
E: does he drive a black trans am too?
E: nah… that’d be too creepy
Me: they live in manhattan. who drives a black trans am in manhattan?
E: true
I just realized it was Friday the 13th.
I think I might break one of my New Year’s resolutions, which was to try not to swear so much in public.
January 13th, 2006
