The Economy of Words
A good friend and colleague of mine passed away last weekend in an incredibly tragic car accident. In an effort to both honor the memory of my friend Steve, and for me to personally cope, I’ve started this particular post at least a hundred times in my head. As result, I have composed a number of drafts of story after story about him, and all of the memories are great and good, and make me laugh. But none of those drafted posts truly convey the enormity of what I have felt over the past seven days. I seriously doubt that they ever will, and no matter how many times I type this, it will never come out right or be to my own satisfaction. I have to accept this, and just write it all out as best I can.
Below is my favorite picture of Steve, with his former bandmates from Exit Ocean. I took it at one of my favorite bars in New York City — Siberia — which no longer exists. Yes, you will notice that Saturday Night Live’s Jimmy Fallon is in the shot. Exit Ocean played that night at Siberia, and apparently Jimmy Fallon and Russell Crowe showed up (although we didn’t end up running into Russell Crowe). I think we all couldn’t stop talking about it at work or while hanging out with common friends in Williamsburg for what seemed like a month, but that was a fun time.
Left to right: Steve, Brad, Jimmy Fallon, Jon, and Chris
Following in line with my speechlessness, I’m directly taken back to a particular conversation with Steve from about seven years ago while we were working together, in which we debated brevity (his preferred methodology) over (my particularly exhausting) long-windedness (which is actually in my opinion my being “thorough”, but I digress). He used to tell me that “everyone needs an editor,” and was absolutely convinced that I should describe things “using the least possible words.” I laughed, because I’m usually anything but short. My counterpoint was that if you turn on the internal editor while you’re writing, you tend to lose the initial thought, idea, or feeling that was truest to the moment. This week has been no exception as I’ve been reflecting quite a bit, and I find myself putting into practice something he had said to me long ago. Of course, I learned this from Steve — I think being concise is cosmically appropriate to the situation somehow.
We challenged, sparred, bantered and joked on silly topics such as these occasionally while we were at work. Mostly, this would happen over IM while we were sitting in the same room — Steve used to have a pretty ridiculous chat icon that had an AOL IM buddy guy dressed like a gangsta rapper on it, that had big gold chains with gaudy, animated diamonds that would blink every couple of seconds, and it said (oh so eloquently) “Bling Bling.” It was because of this I remember always calling him “Steve to the Izzo” — he even used to say “BLING BLLLANNNG!!!” and then flash some Strong Island gang sign of some sort at me. He was anything BUT gangsta, which is why I found it so hysterical. I still laugh everytime I think about this.
It was funny to us how, as two English majors from the same university, who graduated a year apart (and had a lot of the same overlapping friend set), we had ended up working in the same industry on the same project at the same company. (And years later, we both ended up in San Francisco having moved months apart, doing Product Management in the same sector of technology.) I feel very fortunate to have met him and known him in different capacities. Given all the similarities between our backgrounds, it was really impossible for Steve and I to have not become friends within this lifetime, and I am grateful for that.
I also find it fitting that the Mets came out on top this weekend while playing the Yankees — Steve loved to talk smack with me about baseball, particularly when it came to any Subway Series and the Mets and Yankees crosstown rivalry. I know he is laughing and poking fun at me right now.
Steve’s colleagues set up a blog for him on WordPress.com the next day, after the accident. Upon seeing this, I decided to call in a favor. As a result, upgrades on the blog have been waived, and the domain http://stevewolkoff.com has been purchased and mapped to the blog. It is my hope that not only Steve’s name live on through this gift, but that it enables others to find the Foundation set up for him easily, and to express and communicate their feelings on how he touched all of our lives in many amazing and profound ways. I hope to relinquish the domain registration to his family in the near future.
To the Wolkoff family I offer my deepest and most heartfelt condolences, and for Cindy, I wish not only a speedy recovery, but peace and healing in both mind and spirit.
Rest in peace, Steve. I will miss you.
4 comments June 30th, 2008
