A Decade’s Worth of Agendacide.com
June 18th, 2008
That sure is a loaded title up there, isn’t it? But now that no one is listening, it feels strangely OK to be myself around here. Now that that’s said, I wanted to dash off a quick post before I lose the moment.
Where shall I begin?
Today — June 18, 2008 — marks the fact that I’ve been maintaining Agendacide.com, my personal online journal, for 10 years. (Additionally, today also marks my one year anniversary at my current employer.)
When I started this site, I was in a drastically different place in my life, having been dropped off on the curb after college graduation with an English degree, hoping to make sense of it all from there. Obviously, lots of things have happened since then, and it would take a seriously exhaustive and intimidating post to fill you in.
I nursed a strange brand of emotional laryngitis that I couldn’t even wrap my head around for a period of years. In fact, I couldn’t even describe it and it was absolutely maddening and infuriating to me, until the point at which it devolved into apathy. Though it may seem in real life that I’m completely there and absolutely present — the picture, or expression of myself, wasn’t a whole one.
Maybe it was born out of a desire to remain private and incognito, or something deeper like shame or embarrassment, or the fear of rejection. Somewhere along the way, I became paralyzed by constant scrutiny, and suppressed my emotions and thoughts until this site was no longer was my therapy — it slowly grew into my equivalent of an online anxiety attack — a testament to, and a constant reminder of the things that I used to do growing up that hurt and stung, the idiotic things I’d done, and quite frankly, it exposed all the chinks in the armor I’d built up for so long.
There are many things I haven’t published sitting here in my draft folder. Maybe they require a second look, or should stay in various states of incompletion. To me though, when I read them again, the feelings are real and the emotion is there. I’ve just been wondering where I’ve been though. Maybe you have too, and I wish I had an answer for you. I’ll admit it in all honesty: I’m confused, and I’m figuring it out.
I’m a little rusty with the writing, but I hope you’ll bear with me. This is really hard for me, and I’m obviously out of practice. After 5 years in New York, and 5 years in California, equalling a decade’s worth of ideas and thoughts lost and tumbling in my head, I hopefully think that maybe I’ve learned something from it all, but we’ll see about that.
I’m really eager to begin and end this chapter of the site, and there’s so much I want to share: new designs, new stories, and even some experiments — I’m sure that I won’t be able to recall or implement it all for you in any sort of chronological manner or in one fell swoop. But I figured that without me thinking too much — and before my internal editor tells me to stop this — let’s hit the “Publish” button for the first time in a very long time.
And we start this off again, with no agenda… as it always was.
Entry Filed under: Milestones
12 Comments Add your own
1. Matt | June 19th, 2008 at 1:29 am
Glad to see you back in the saddle. As an outlet, I think you still have a lot to express here.
2. patricia | June 19th, 2008 at 7:58 am
Five years in California already? I feel so old lately, every thing seems to make me think, “Where did the time go?!?”
I’m glad you’re back and I hope pressing that publish button more often is helpful.
3. ericabiz | June 19th, 2008 at 9:41 am
Hi Glenda,
I’m still reading. :) I was really glad to see your site pop up in my RSS reader! What an excellent post to start things out. I look forward to reading more about your thoughts and your journey.
-Erica
4. Nicholas Paldino | June 19th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Interesting to see what will come of this =) Bring on the experiments!
5. mj | June 19th, 2008 at 12:19 pm
i need to get brave enough to blog about something other than food.
6. Kyle | June 19th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
What’s the anniversary date of Encephalosmack? Hehehe. A nice “kamusta” from the Motherland…
Take care of yourself, ‘cuz!
7. Julian | June 20th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
No agenda. Impossible? Perhaps. Either way, you’re allowed. And what’s not to like about giving it a whirl? I am happy you hit that publish button. Give it another go would ya. :-)
cheers
Jules
8. Jason | June 23rd, 2008 at 12:54 pm
There’s no way that this would continue to be what you needed it to be 10 years ago. At this point, I question anyone who’s managed to keep a web presence up consistently for a decade, where it’s never changed and frequently updated, because to me it seems like that person hasn’t changed in that long… and how could that be?
You have the space to make this site whatever you want.
9. Donncha O Caoimh | June 24th, 2008 at 4:07 am
Happy birthday! My main blog is 10 years old this year too, but it’s been all over the place from xoom.com, to other sites that don’t even exist now, to blogspot even and finally to ocaoimh.ie
So, you’re ready for the next 10 years? I wonder what you’ll be writing about then?
10. Jason Chen | July 9th, 2008 at 2:24 pm
Wow, 10 years! Congratulations and look forward to another 20!
11. I can’t sleep…&hellip | July 15th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
[...] for ages despite checking here and there, but she had two new posts I hadn’t seen. I guess she’s been blogging for like 10 years now. That’s like an eternity in Internet age. It’s like literally HALF of the time the [...]
12. lionvision | July 31st, 2008 at 2:50 pm
:)
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